So, after years of nagging from doctors and my family, I finally caved, and agreed to get a camera shoved up my arse -- the dreaded colonoscopy. The big event happens Thursday, so tomorrow, I get to live on clear liquids, and drink some supposedly nasty stuff that will go through me like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. I am not looking forward to the next 48 hours. I'm thinking some of you other old farts know what I'm talking about. Ah, the good old days when acne was my biggest medical concern. CD
Ah. The first gallon of "golightly" is a piece of cake. It's that second gallon that really sucks! I feel for you brother. I lost count after the first seven or eight. They don't get any better either although the drugs have improved.
They aren't too bad... I get a borescope done every 4 years... Drugs put you out.... I wish they would let me sleep it off a little longer after the procedure.... It's done in a nice dark room which is kind of comforting.... What kills me is the snickering I hear as the drugs take over and I enter La La Land.... Ask for Rosie..... Git R Gone....
I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I've had a couple of concussions, and I've lost count of the broken bones and stitches. What I have a low tolerance for is discomfort. I'd rather get punched in the face by Mike Tyson than do five days with the flu. Going face to sheet metal with a cargo van while riding my bicycle sucked, big time. But, I didn't know it was coming, and it was over quickly. I've had a month to think about this colonoscopy, and what a PITA (pardon the pun) it is going to be. CD
They keep you sedated.... It's not too much of a big deal... It really isn't.. I am only aware of slight discomfort at the time.... Mostly when it's trying to make turns... Think of it as a MINI in the Dragon.... You are the Dragon.... BE THE DRAGON....
Oh.... One last tip.... The camera snake has a powerful lighting system for seein in dark places... Keep your mouth closed.... It's sorta embarrassing to see your own grinning teeth projected on the opposite wall.... It also tends to cause the technician to start giggling.... Makes it harder for them to apex the curves if you know what I mean.... Good luck.... We expect a full report... Oh... And don't forget to leave a tip if the tech did a nice job....
Piece of cake. We all have our favorite sayings. One of mine is: If this is your biggest problem you've got it made!!
Been there done that and its easy. Now you don't drink Gallons of "clear the path" stuff, it's now 10-12 oz mixed with a Sprite. Just make sure your bathroom as packed with TP, a good book or your iPad. Also you are not getting fisted in prison, they 90% knock you out and the camera is thinner then a pencil. You will feel no after affects. Oh and one last thing when you wake up be ready to release the longest and loudest farts of your life an no one will care.
Get a buddy to take you to and from your visit. At least someone other than your wife... The things you're likely to say about the staff while under the influence might be better kept following the Bro Code.
The last time I had the procedure done, I was still awake when the doctor came into the room. I said: "Oh, here comes Dr. Gloom". Laughingly he said: "This is not the time to piss your doctor off". I quickly apologized.
After my Dad had a colonoscopy, he told the doctor, "Doc, I don't smoke, but after that, I feel like having a cigarette!"
Drinking that colonoscopy strength draino is the worst part. Get through that & the rest is easy, it ain't no big deal nothing to worry about. When you are done they will hopefully say you're a perfect arse hole. Best of luck.
My colonoscopy went well, even though I had psyched myself beforehand into thinking it would be disastrous. The procedure itself literally was painless and I awoke still thinking to continue counting backwards from 10 when the nurse told me to get dressed and get out! The ONLY negative was drinking all that crap before the procedure. I used "Tang" mixed with it to help hide the taste. I will NEVER, EVER have Tang again! :frown2:
The stuff they gave me is a powder that you mix with water. However, any clear liquid should be okay, I would think. Time to google. CD
The drinking and sitting on the toilet are the worst parts and that is not too bad with the newer drinks that only require you to drink about 2 liters. Just plan to have something good to read for the early morning hours. The actual procedure is nothing to worry about, very quick, simple, and painless. I changed into their gown, got put to sleep, and woke up ready to go home.