If MINIs were made like computers...

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by caseydog, Sep 18, 2016.

  1. caseydog

    caseydog Well-Known Member

    Nov 7, 2012
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    New riff on an old joke that is still relevant. Remember this when you are pissed off at your MINI.

    If MINIs were made like computers...

    For no reason whatsoever, your MINI would crash twice a day.

    Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new MINI.

    Occasionally your MINI would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.

    Only one person at a time could use the MINI, unless you bought multi-user MINI license, and added more seats.

    Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your MINI to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

    Apple would make a MINI that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

    The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

    The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

    Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your MINI would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    Every time MINI introduced a new car, MINI buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old MINIs.

    MINI would require all buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a BMW subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more.

    MINI would radically redesign the dashboard of its entire fleet to hide all the familiar instruments and remove the buttons and knobs from all the controls, forcing legacy drivers (i.e., 95% of people who have ever driven MINI) to locate and install a 3rd-party dashboard to restore enough functionality to be able to drive the damn thing.

    CD
     
  2. caseydog

    caseydog Well-Known Member

    Nov 7, 2012
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    Automotive Photographer
    Dallas
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    Here is a new one...

    Your speedometer would suddenly stop working, until you install the latest Flash update from Adobe, and restart your MINI.

    CD
     

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