No real flight terrors for me, but I did find Enlightenment in the back of a Korean Taxi. Back in '93 I was teaching English in Chonju, South Korea. To get to work I often took taxis. Korean Taxi Drivers are an insane category of people, and one morning mine decided to race a train. There were no barriers at this particular rail crossing, and the train was moving at a fairly good clip. So my driver swerved on to the shoulder to go around the stopped cars in front of us, and floored his tiny Hyundai sedan that was carrying me and a second fuel tank in the trunk (they all do) and tried to beat the train. Being in the back seat of a tiny car, and already crammed into that confined space, there wasn't much that I could do but watch. And in that moment of watching the train, hearing the engine, and knowing that my life was totally out of my hands... the universe slowed, I sensed my own heartbeat, I knew myself, and I felt complete and absolute tranquility. Later I freaked the ever-loving hell out.
My theory is that everyone has a certain number of flights in them and when they get to that number, time is up. My third in-flight (scheduled airline) fire was that moment for me - well, none of them were actual fires, though one certainly smelt like a fire and the cabin crew behaved like it was a fire - whether it's a fire or a bad warning light doesn't make that much difference to your sphincter muscle. But full marks to the steward on a BA flight landing on old airplane (because all the modern ones were grounded by a fire a week earlier) using some, but not all, engines. With no reverse thrust, we went straight past the terminal buildings at Heathrow at something over minimum take-off speed with the brakes shuddering like a piece of construction plant. We eventually ground to a stop and were immediately surrounded by fire trucks with guys in silver space suits waiting to spray their foam cannons at us (we were saying "Just start spraying!" but I guess they couldn't hear...). So the steward wanders down the aisle, to tell us to remain seated, bends down to look out the window at the fire trucks and says in a loud voice "Oh those fire Johnnies, they do like to get a chance to practice!" It may have been number 137 from the BA book of standard cabin crew quips, but the passengers' laughter must have been audible on the flight deck.
Not unlike telling the cab driver in Sasebo; 'Hayaku'. That was back in '68. Only made the mistake once.
I am booked on a flight to Phoenix at noon tomorrow. It has been snowing all day, and they are predicting it will turn to sleet and freezing ran tonight. No big deal if you live someplace like Pittsburgh. I live in Dallas. My normal 30-minute drive to the airport will probably take three hours. If my MINI doesn't get hit by an idiot in a super-duty pickup trying to convince everyone he has a big dick, I'll probably end up running up a big bar tab waiting to actually leave Dallas, where they have one de-icing machine for every 200 planes. Oh, and if congress doesn't pass a DHS funding bill today, the TSA workers are gonna' be working without a paycheck tomorrow, which should put them in a pissy mood. I am not looking forward to tomorrow. CD