Fun & Games Most liked posts in thread: Scott's funny saying of the day......

Practice safe government. Use kingdoms.

 

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

 

Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as being offensive to most Americans.

 

"I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without his motives being questioned." A Concerned Citizen

 

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shor tage here in our country.
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Well, there's a very simple answer.
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Nobody bothered to check the oil.
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We just didn't know we were getting low.
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The reason for that is purely geographical.
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Our OIL is located in:
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ALASKA
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California
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Coastal Florida
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Coastal Louisiana
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Coastal Alabama
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Coastal Mississippi
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Coastal Texas
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North Dakota
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Wyoming
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Colorado
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Kansas
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Oklahoma
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Pennsylvania
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And
Texas

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Our
dipstick is
located in the White House!
~~~
Any

Questions?

NO? Didn't think So.

 

Don't die a virgin. Terrorists are up there waiting for you.

 

"Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants."

Doesn't that also qualify for the "You're Older Than Dirt..." thread as well?

 

Q: What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?

A: Dam!

 

At my age, "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I went in there for!

 

Lots of things in life are scary... But when you see a teenage Asian girl on her phone in the big Lexus SUV doing 80 MPH next to you, and the blinker comes on... Yeah some things really are terrifying!

 

I'm skeptical about one point in that scenario. I sat down for a nice visit with my wife once. It lasted about two hours and by the time it was over I had forgotten what I was going to say.

 

Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - Priceless!

 

Sometimes being retired is not very exciting. However, you can make things a bit more interesting on garbage day! Wait patiently and watch through the window...

 

Our military has the Tomahawk cruise missile. We name our helicopters Apache, Blackhawk, Kiowa and Lakota. We used the term Geronimo in the killing of Osama bin Laden and object to the name of the Washington Red Skins.

 

During the first day on the job as a Walmart greeter, my older cousin observed a lady cussing at and mistreating her two young boys as they came into the store. He said "Good Morning and welcome to Walmart! Are your kids twins?" The lady looked at him and said, "Hell no they aren't twins. One is nine and the other is seven! Are you blind or just stupid?" My cousin replied, "No... I'm neither blind or stupid. I just have a hard time believing someone could have slept with you twice!"

 

If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

 

Not even duct tape can fix stupid. But it can sure muffle the sound.

 

Sounds like MC2.

 

Racecar spelled backwards is racecar.....