Fun & Games Most liked posts in thread: Scott's funny saying of the day......

  1. vetsvette

    vetsvette MINI Alliance Ambassador

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    The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fight.

    The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

    The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine. After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.

    When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long! Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

    As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring. The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog’s tail floating to the ground.

    The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies, and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise. The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand," said their leader, "Our top scientists and breeders worked for 5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweilers and Siberian wolves, and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!"


    The Israelis replied. "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
     
  2. ScottinBend

    ScottinBend Space Cowboy
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    It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.

    Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
     
  3. Friskie

    Friskie Well-Known Member

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    Senators should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.
     
  4. Firebro17

    Firebro17 Dazed, but not Confused
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    Not sure what it is, but talking to really stupid people always makes me squint.
     
  5. Firebro17

    Firebro17 Dazed, but not Confused
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    N.ever A.gain M.an
     
  6. ScottinBend

    ScottinBend Space Cowboy
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    Googleheimer's

    The condition where you think of something you want to Google, but by the time you get to your computer, you have forgotten what it was!
     
  7. Firebro17

    Firebro17 Dazed, but not Confused
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    I turned my clocks back last night. I'm wondering if that's all that was turned back at our borders.
     
  8. Friskie

    Friskie Well-Known Member

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    "Don't feel badly for having second thoughts. That's two more than most people have."
     
  9. ScottinBend

    ScottinBend Space Cowboy
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    Government: If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.
     
  10. ScottinBend

    ScottinBend Space Cowboy
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    Teach every child you meet the importance of forgiveness.


    It's our only hope of surviving their wrath once they realize just how badly we've screwed things up for them.
     
  11. ScottinBend

    ScottinBend Space Cowboy
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    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is you never know if they are real"


    - Abraham Lincoln
     
  12. DryMartini

    DryMartini New Member

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    Even Duct Tape can't fix stupid. But it can muffle the sound.
     
  13. DryMartini

    DryMartini New Member

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    Last year, I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
     
  14. ScottinBend

    ScottinBend Space Cowboy
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    And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"
    But John came in fifth , and only won a toaster.
     
  15. Firebro17

    Firebro17 Dazed, but not Confused
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    For Sale:

    One complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.
    45 volumes, excellent condition.
    $200 or best offer.
    No longer needed. Recently got married, wife knows everything.
     
  16. Firebro17

    Firebro17 Dazed, but not Confused
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    Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure can muffle the sound!
     
  17. Firebro17

    Firebro17 Dazed, but not Confused
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    I don't really approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them elected to office!
     
  18. Firebro17

    Firebro17 Dazed, but not Confused
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    Why is it that most nudists are people you really don't want to see naked?
     
  19. Nathan

    Nathan Founder

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    [​IMG]
     
  20. DneprDave

    DneprDave Well-Known Member
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    What caused the crash?

    "He went into a corner hot and ran out of talent"