What is The Secret to Success? Pretend you've already achieved it- Then offer to sell The Secret to others.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' Steven Wright
Law of Gravity..... Any nut, bolt, washer or tool (when dropped) will roll to the least accessible corner just beyond your reach.
Not all that funny but...This is SO true!!! "If we did all the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." Thomas Edison
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
I wish I were a glow worm, a glow worm is never glum, because how could you be unhappy when the sun shines out your bum?
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
I was always told to respect my elders but as time goes by, it's getting harder and harder to find any.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’ :lol:
I wouldn't belong to any club that would allow someone like me to be a member. Marx (Groucho, that is.)