Roadside sign: "This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness." Spray painted beneath it: "NO WE WON'T"
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.
Went to a Jeff Dunham show and his little guy told me "I keeel you!" but just that next day my cardiologist said "I'll see you again in six months". Now I am completely confused.
Being as I am a building inspector and having to deal with contractors and homeowners all day long, of late this has become my mantra....... Lack of prior planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
And this is up on the wall of my office....... Arguing with an inspector is like wrestling with a pig in the mud, pretty soon you realize the pig enjoys it.
However, trying to teach a pig to sing is a total waste of your time and it annoys the he11 out of the pig.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
You can say anything foolish to a dog and they will give you a look that says; 'Dang, you're right, I never would have thought of that.'