Tuft's University in Boston has recently implemented a policy where if a roommate is present one cannot have sexual relations with another person. The rules: On the surface, it's a good rule: it goes without question that having sex while your roommate desperately cranks up the iPod in the bunk above you is gross and inconsiderate, especially since they didn't invite you. At the same time, learning to handle the situation is a vital part of growing up into a personally accountable adult. Having a surrogate parental crutch (Ã la the poor RA) around to finagle the situation for you equals passive immaturity at its most detrimental. According to CNN.com, the handbook's rules on overnight guests directs students to "not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is present in the room. And sexual activity within your assigned room should not ever deprive your roommate(s) of privacy, study, or sleep time." That’s not unreasonable, but is it really necessary? Why not just buck up and grow up? Learn roommate ground rules early. Don’t be routinely inappropriate, and don't expect your roommate to be a paragon of moral virtue. If it becomes a recurrent, life-altering roommate problem, then address it—by calling your roommate out on her behavior and setting up a twin-bed tango schedule, not calling the campus police. Getting the university involved seems so opposite of what college is supposed to teach you: how to handle reality without a protective shield. If you can’t learn to live with quiet, awkward sex from your roommate in college, how do you deal with loud, floor-banging sex from your roommates in apartments postgrad? Knowing how to stand up for yourself is an integral part of transitioning to adulthood, where even more difficult and uncomfortable situations inevitably arise. Learning when to let things slide versus when to confront a legitimate problem—while recognizing that you still have to interact every day with the source of said problem—is a skill vital to social and professional experience. Your RA can’t get you a raise when you feel you deserve one, your mom won’t be there to tell future roommates to pay for the shoes their dog ate, and your college handbook won’t have tips on how to dump your clingy girlfriend. College is chock-full of awkward, problematic moments and weighty issues. As far as roommate relations go, if they're not having sex while you're in the room, they're probably downloading music on your computer without asking, eating your food, helping themselves to your closet, or using your toothpaste. People overstepping their bounds, taking what's yours, and thinking of their pleasure instead of your rights happens—in college, at work, in marriage, and throughout life. The good news: no matter how tricky the problems of the real world, if you make it through dorm living, you’ll probably never have to share a narrow room with a near stranger ever again. The bad news: if you don’t learn to deal with/laugh at/change the problems that this living situation creates, if you never learn how to assert yourself, you’ll find yourself getting screwed in an entirely different way after graduation. Some parts from Newsweek
This is awesome. As a Jumbo, I'm glad Tufts is getting lots of publicity out of this. And maybe I'm a little proud that we're so good at what college kids do, they had to codify a rule to establish boundaries. But this is another example of academia being tone-deaf and not understanding where the line is between helping kids survive college and coddling them. All those good experiences that made college the best 4-7 years of our lives are slowly dying at the hands of lawyers, liability insurance, and the supreme worry that the kids won't be alright. Academia likes to pretend that everybody's a winner and nobody should have to deal with tough issues. The real world has winners and losers. Not that I have anything against professors, staff, and administrators - teaching is a noble and rewarding profession - but sometimes we forget that what seems logical and rational within the ivory tower looks silly on the outside (and vice versa).
My roommate (a junior) excelled at this behavior when I was a freshman. Now, I pretty much have to pay folks to have sex in the same room with me. Wait - did I say that out loud?
I also see that they have not covered self gratification. When given a choice between a roommate having a relation with a loved one of the moment, or abusing a day old sock, I will choose the partnered tango every time.
My roommate and I never had to deal with this problem. We dated roommates.....two couples, two rooms. :wink5:
When I was in college, my first roommate made the mistake of having me find out she had sex on MY bed over the weekend while I was home with the family..... I had more of a temper then, and she found herself jacked up against the wall and threatened certain death if it ever happened again..... I also made her pay to have my comforter cleaned, since it was quite obvious that is where the deed happened. The funny part is, I am so not scary-looking if you know me..... I am 5ft tall and only weigh about 110lbs.... but apparently, when the adrenaline kicks in, I can be frightening :devil: Anyway- back on topic..... I guess it's ok to have it written out, but yeah, everyone grow up and have common courtesy for those around you!!!!!!
Funny, I said "no" to a gal once because she wanted to have sex on my roommate's bed (he had a queen size bed). He had specifically told me "just don't do it on my bed when I'm gone" just the day before, and despite raging hormones I honored his wish. He was a great roommate, so I didn't want to lose him. The situation with the gal, well, that worked itself out.
I never lived in a dorm. I guess any potential roommates should be grateful. I did have a thing for kitchen counter tops when I was younger.
My roommate used to snore really loudly, which is usually a bad thing. But we'd lie in bed and wait till he got up a good rumble, and then it was on. =)
Voyeurism- Some people have to pay for this, others get it on a daily basis. i.e. my girlfriends room mate use to walk around with no clothes on 24/7......I will miss her
I was an RA in college. It was pretty easy, and quite amusing most of the time (oh the stories I could tell...). When a resident came up to complain about a roomate for any reason, the first thing we were supposed to ask was: "well.. have you talked to him (or her) about it yet?" No one in their right mind wants to have to hold the hand of an 18+ year old when they're too scared to man up and take care of their own problems.
The fact that they even have to address this if freakin' stupid. Oh, for God's Sake, grow the hell up. Why do I have to have a monitor to have sex? I mean seriously, telling me not to have sex when your roommate is present is like telling me to put my hand over my mouth when I cough. Do they really need to be told? Freakin' morons.... Mark
Hey now, let's not throw stones. A buddy of mine met this girl at a party in Savannah, GA. After a long night of shrimp and lobster broil helped liberally by some grain alcohol punch most of the party goers either left or faded away. As I set there at one end of the couch unable to move, my friend was consummating his new found love at the other end of the couch. They have been happily married ten years now. Of course this is the first time I have thought about that night in ten years.