WHORE-IZON--BUYER BEWARE!!!!

Discussion in 'Feedback, Reviews & Comments' started by cct1, Jan 17, 2010.

  1. cct1

    cct1 Well-Known Member
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    I can't believe what these shysters pulled. So I buy the throttle booster, and at first, all is well. But after a few days, I notice the car acting strangely--when I turn the key, the engine makes a "moose in heat" kind of noise, followed by a "chunka chunka chunka" noise, then it totally shuts down. The radio then comes on, and immediately blares "The Pina Colada Song" by Rupert Holmes.

    So I call up "WHORE-IZON", and the conversation goes something like this:

    "Hello?"

    "Hello, this Nate...er....Bob speaking, what's your problem?"

    "Your name's Naterbob?"

    "Uh, yeah, that's right. Just so we're clear it's not Nate, Ok?"

    "How did you know I had a problem?"

    "Just a hunch."

    So I go on to explain the problems I'm having; also asking for a little recompensation--the noises have attracted a whole heard of horny Canadian Moose that have destroyed not only my but also my neighbors yard, and I can't even begin to describe what they do to my car whenever I turn it on...Suffice it to say that it takes several trips through a car wash to get rid of various moose bodily fluids and excretions...

    And Naterbob tells me that this is a common problem, and I need a chip that they developed in conjunction with another well-respected vendor, a chip they combined their names on and call the "UberWhore". And he'd sell it to me for $700--$100 bucks off for buying the throttle booster. I asked what this chip does, and he told me you plug it into the airfilter, and it modulates the throttle booster. It's about the size of a nickle, in fact it looks suspiciously like a nickle covered in duct tape, but it's guaranteed not to rust, very much.

    So we reach the end of our conversation that Naterbob informs me he's charging my credit card 5 bucks for the phone consultation!!!! But before he hangs up, he has the nerve to ask me if I'm interested in one slightly damaged Team Dynamic 17 inch wheel. So I ask him to define "slightly damaged", and he informs me the entire hub is missing, but with a little glue and tape is should be just fine....

    I'm at a loss what to do, car is undriveable as is, but I really don't want to put any money into the "Uberwhore"...
     
  2. lotsie

    lotsie Club Coordinator

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  3. Way Motor Works

    Way Motor Works New Member

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  4. lotsie

    lotsie Club Coordinator

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    Their return policy is, you bought it, it's yours, we don't want it back.:mad2:

    Mark
     
  5. KittyMini

    KittyMini Club Coordinator

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    WTF????? :shocked:

    That's one of the worst vendor stories I've ever heard!!!!!!

    Fawk that! get your money back!
     
  6. ScottinBend

    ScottinBend Space Cowboy
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    Nah.......just sell it on Sewingsite.com. Lots of gullible...I mean... knowledgeable folks over there.
     
  7. cct1

    cct1 Well-Known Member
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    Ok, so it gets worse...

    I call Naterbob back, and the conversation goes like this:

    "Hello, this is Naterbob again. Let me remind you, I'm charging your credit card another 5 bucks for the call, so I'd make this good if I were you."

    "Yeah, right, whatever. Listen, I tried the "Uberwhore", and it just didn't work out like you said it would. Got an error code "069", I looked it up, and apparently the car needs penicillin now. Now the moose--"

    "Sorry to interrupt, but about those moose--any of them have a nice rack? We're dying for a good rack over here."

    I though I heard some laughter in the background...


    "What the..Are you laughing?"

    "Uh, no, that's a flux capacitor you're hearing in the background."

    "Alright. Anyway, about the moose--the "moose in heat" sound has been replaced by a "sodomized moose" sound, followed by a "thwacka, thwacka." The good news is most of the Moose herd has gone back to Canada, except for two relatively limp hoofed ones--so the car is taking much less of a beating from the moose now, except for the rear hatch."

    "Well, maybe you need a new throttle booster, let me think through this.."

    "That's another thing--I found the SAME throttle booster for half as much on NAM!!"

    "It's not the same. Ours is proprietary, made by us. That one is a knock off. Some guy named Newman makes it I believe. Ours is blacker."

    "Yours says 'Newman' on the outside too. It's the same."

    "Ok, well, Newman makes ours too, but we designed it and they build it for us. They must be making an inferior product for our competitor. Can't be as good as ours, ours is more expensive. I think that proves beyond any reasonable doubt that ours IS better, and theirs sucks. I have a dyno to prove it. And ours is definitely blacker than there's. There's none blacker than ours."

    "They look to be identical shades of black to me."

    "That's probably the lighting. There is none blacker than ours, and no other goes to eleven instead of ten like ours. We pride ourselves on that."

    "I figured out what that noise is in the background, you're watching 'Spinal Tap' while you're talking to me aren't you?"

    "Of course not. Look, I've got to go, got a tuning party in Cleveland I have to go to."

    More laughter in the background, and I swear someone shouted "No, it's in Chicago.."

    Then he tries to sell me the "flux capacitor", and then hangs up.

    I'm at a loss what to do next. He swears the flux capacitor will cure all ills, but I just don't know...
     
  8. lotsie

    lotsie Club Coordinator

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  9. Motoring Magic

    Motoring Magic New Member
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    #9 Motoring Magic, Jan 18, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2010
    WOW

    I cannot BEGIN to describe what a grin this brings to my face!! I only hope someone out there in vendorland sees this and gets pissed at how much it represents him(them) !!!!
     
  10. minimark

    minimark Well-Known Member

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    Simple, in a calm and professional manner call and explain to Naterbob that you have a great friend that's planning a trip too Naterland very soon and that he makes the best Mashednaters in Alabama and would love to stop by for him to try some. While he's there, he'd be more than happy to pick up your refund and return said products, saving Whore-izon additional shipping charges. It's a win, win for all parties involved!:lol:
     
  11. jiminni

    jiminni Well-Known Member

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    I don't get this whole thread?
     
  12. Ernesto

    Ernesto Club Coordinator

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    If the tuning party is in Chicago, I am so there..
    I got my Throttle Booster on E-Bay and can't figure out how to install it, and it might be broken. Maybe I should just call Waylen and ask him how to do it.
     
  13. cct1

    cct1 Well-Known Member
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    Neither do I.

    But what do you expect when they allow morons to start threads?
     
  14. ScottinBend

    ScottinBend Space Cowboy
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  15. lotsie

    lotsie Club Coordinator

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    That's OK, most of us only get small parts of it, but if we share it works out.

    Hey, I could resemble that comment :prrr::Thumbsup:

    Mark
     
  16. Nathan

    Nathan Founder

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    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Kh7nLplWo[/ame]
     
  17. Deviant

    Deviant Banned

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    Wow, it only took me 27 years, but I suddenly get the joke with Bugs Bunny saying "What a Maroon!"

    Edit: Naterbob just charged my credit card $5 for "Joke Consultation" and another $42 for delivery.
     
  18. lotsie

    lotsie Club Coordinator

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    Wait till you see you your monthly statement:eek6:

    Mark
     
  19. On Whore-izon

    On Whore-izon New Member
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    We apologize if you are havig a difficulty with our superior product. While we are convinced
    that it is entirely your fault, please call our office to discuss it.

    Surely you would not want us to take back something that you paid for?

    Clearly an exaggeration. You have obviously never tried to get pork chops at
    a Kosher Butcher.

    I don't know who you are, or who you are really representing, but you are a hater.
    We have no record of you purchasing our superior Hyperlocity Throttle Booster
    with its patented ELEVEN stettings. Please call our office with any questions.

    Thank you. Another satisfied On Whore-izon customer.

    P.S. we have deactivated the testicle contraction device remotely. Please call our offce if
    failure to release occurs.

    How could you possible know if it is broken if you can't figure out how to install it? But be
    rest assured that we stand behind our product. Far back.

    If it takes you 27 years to get a Bugs Bunny joke, perhaps you should use a qualified
    shop to install our product.
     
  20. cct1

    cct1 Well-Known Member
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    Ok, I've just about had it. I hate to be cynical, never have I ever been accuses of being a cynic in my entire life, but I'm really beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, you're not a legitimate company. I tried and tried to get a hold of you, only to be told that you were "out of town," and that the flux capacitor I ordered to fix the throttle booster problem may not be delivered in the foreseeable future, but I should be expecting it anytime before Spring of 2019.

    So I call your number about a billion times, and someone answers the phone, probably by mistake. And what happens? I'm informed that due to the number of calls I've "hassled" you with, you're now charging 10 bucks a call, and if I don't quiet down in the forums, you might do something that would be considered illegal in the state of Georgia to my dog. So here is an excerpt from our latest conversation:

    "Hello, can I speak to Naterbob?"

    "Naterbob is no longer with us. We had a falling out. He was just after the money, I'm all about quality."

    "What in the hell are you talking about?!?"

    "Well, Naterbob was getting the throttle boosters cheap from China; I want better quality. So I've increased the price a little, and I've been getting a better one. From Malaysia. It's not in Asia you know...""

    "That's great. And who the heck are you then"

    "Me? my name is Lotsiebob. And it gets even better. The Malaysian throttle booster is another two hundred bucks extra. And that's the one we accidentally sent you, so we're charging you're credit card another three hundred bones."

    "WHAT?! You just said it was only two hundred more!!"

    "Well, since you got it early, and technically we didn't have it stock at the time, we have to charge you a one hundred dollar unstocking fee."

    "That's it, I want my money back."

    "Ok, just send the booster back with your reciept."

    "Receipt? You never gave me a receipt!"

    "Well then how and the hell do you expect me to make a return?"

    Lotsiebob then suggested that I do something to myself that I'm fairly certain is anatomically impossible. I know, because I tried it once in college--if I couldn't do it then, I seriously doubt I could now.

    Once again, I'm at a total loss on what to do. At least the two remaining alternate lifestyle moose finally got tired of my MINI's boot, took a taking to each other, and eloped somewhere private in the Upper Peninsula. Looks like they're the only ones making out properly in this whole ordeal...
     

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