Most liked posts in thread: WHORE-IZON--BUYER BEWARE!!!!

Ok, so it gets worse...

I call Naterbob back, and the conversation goes like this:

"Hello, this is Naterbob again. Let me remind you, I'm charging your credit card another 5 bucks for the call, so I'd make this good if I were you."

"Yeah, right, whatever. Listen, I tried the "Uberwhore", and it just didn't work out like you said it would. Got an error code "069", I looked it up, and apparently the car needs penicillin now. Now the moose--"

"Sorry to interrupt, but about those moose--any of them have a nice rack? We're dying for a good rack over here."

I though I heard some laughter in the background...


"What the..Are you laughing?"

"Uh, no, that's a flux capacitor you're hearing in the background."

"Alright. Anyway, about the moose--the "moose in heat" sound has been replaced by a "sodomized moose" sound, followed by a "thwacka, thwacka." The good news is most of the Moose herd has gone back to Canada, except for two relatively limp hoofed ones--so the car is taking much less of a beating from the moose now, except for the rear hatch."

"Well, maybe you need a new throttle booster, let me think through this.."

"That's another thing--I found the SAME throttle booster for half as much on NAM!!"

"It's not the same. Ours is proprietary, made by us. That one is a knock off. Some guy named Newman makes it I believe. Ours is blacker."

"Yours says 'Newman' on the outside too. It's the same."

"Ok, well, Newman makes ours too, but we designed it and they build it for us. They must be making an inferior product for our competitor. Can't be as good as ours, ours is more expensive. I think that proves beyond any reasonable doubt that ours IS better, and theirs sucks. I have a dyno to prove it. And ours is definitely blacker than there's. There's none blacker than ours."

"They look to be identical shades of black to me."

"That's probably the lighting. There is none blacker than ours, and no other goes to eleven instead of ten like ours. We pride ourselves on that."

"I figured out what that noise is in the background, you're watching 'Spinal Tap' while you're talking to me aren't you?"

"Of course not. Look, I've got to go, got a tuning party in Cleveland I have to go to."

More laughter in the background, and I swear someone shouted "No, it's in Chicago.."

Then he tries to sell me the "flux capacitor", and then hangs up.

I'm at a loss what to do next. He swears the flux capacitor will cure all ills, but I just don't know...

 

Neither do I.

But what do you expect when they allow morons to start threads?

 

Ok, I've just about had it. I hate to be cynical, never have I ever been accuses of being a cynic in my entire life, but I'm really beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, you're not a legitimate company. I tried and tried to get a hold of you, only to be told that you were "out of town," and that the flux capacitor I ordered to fix the throttle booster problem may not be delivered in the foreseeable future, but I should be expecting it anytime before Spring of 2019.

So I call your number about a billion times, and someone answers the phone, probably by mistake. And what happens? I'm informed that due to the number of calls I've "hassled" you with, you're now charging 10 bucks a call, and if I don't quiet down in the forums, you might do something that would be considered illegal in the state of Georgia to my dog. So here is an excerpt from our latest conversation:

"Hello, can I speak to Naterbob?"

"Naterbob is no longer with us. We had a falling out. He was just after the money, I'm all about quality."

"What in the hell are you talking about?!?"

"Well, Naterbob was getting the throttle boosters cheap from China; I want better quality. So I've increased the price a little, and I've been getting a better one. From Malaysia. It's not in Asia you know...""

"That's great. And who the heck are you then"

"Me? my name is Lotsiebob. And it gets even better. The Malaysian throttle booster is another two hundred bucks extra. And that's the one we accidentally sent you, so we're charging you're credit card another three hundred bones."

"WHAT?! You just said it was only two hundred more!!"

"Well, since you got it early, and technically we didn't have it stock at the time, we have to charge you a one hundred dollar unstocking fee."

"That's it, I want my money back."

"Ok, just send the booster back with your reciept."

"Receipt? You never gave me a receipt!"

"Well then how and the hell do you expect me to make a return?"

Lotsiebob then suggested that I do something to myself that I'm fairly certain is anatomically impossible. I know, because I tried it once in college--if I couldn't do it then, I seriously doubt I could now.

Once again, I'm at a total loss on what to do. At least the two remaining alternate lifestyle moose finally got tired of my MINI's boot, took a taking to each other, and eloped somewhere private in the Upper Peninsula. Looks like they're the only ones making out properly in this whole ordeal...